I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
