ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
