i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
