My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You're so nebulous sometimes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
