do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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