I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
