I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
