Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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