You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
The air taste purple.
Randomize
