fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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