Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
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