I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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