Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
