Only a mothe r could love this liver
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
