We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
