Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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