it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
