We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
