Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize