It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
