Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
