do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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