Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Drunk is not a location!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
