She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My ass is underappreciated
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
