Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize