she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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