I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
