Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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