you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize