hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
