I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
