I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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