she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
