I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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