I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
