omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
