she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
