If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Operation Purity has been aborted
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
