Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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