I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
