I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
