I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
