just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
