Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
When are your genitals available?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
