I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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