this beer tastes like vomit already
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Randomize
