capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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