You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
