break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
