he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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