i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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