Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
