The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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