I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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