Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
