Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
