he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
