i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
