You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
