you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
