she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
