even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
