Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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