How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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