I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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