I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
