I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
