She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
