i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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