well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
