grandma shit on top of the toilet
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
