i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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