do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
