haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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