You made me cry and you don't even care
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize