it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
