so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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